Wednesday, April 29, 2020
As planes remain grounded nationwide, Spirit Airlines CEO, Leon Dykstra, unveiled his company’s plans to adapt to the Coronavirus pandemic. We call it the “Bubble Boy Special,” he announced proudly over remote teleconference this morning. The name, as it soon became clear, references the 2001 movie “Bubble Boy,” starring Jake Gyllenhall.
Stepping back from his podium and then lifting his arms, Dykstra introduced the object of discussion, an inflatable, clear plastic suit fit with a hard-plastic helmet. “Having a six-foot-radius when inflated, this suit will ensure that all passengers practice necessary social distancing and prevent the spread of germs,” he said. When speaking of the helmet, Dykstra gleefully commented that, “It looks kinda like a space suit, too.” The suit, according to Dykstra, is constructed from a plastic polymer similar to that found innertubes and beach balls—yet firmer. The helmet, however, is a work of “pure craftsmanship,” Dykstra assures. Cagey in his responses to reporters, Dykstra did reflect that he collaborated with a “Hollywood props man” and a “material scientist” to produce this helmet, which is fashioned with retractable visors and a built-in air filtration system. “Kids will surely love it,” he exclaimed.
Spirit Airlines plans to roll out this special nationwide by the end of May. Dykstra and other Spirit executives are currently discussing the logistics of this large operation with airport administrators. As Dykstra hopes, airports will retrofit currently un-utilized spaces with stalls, where passengers can slip on sanitized suits and helmets. These suits will then be inflated by customer service agents.
Dykstra did not address the concerns this plan might present to airport security or facilities. Instead, he seemed confident in his company’s plan, suggesting that other airlines borrow his idea.
Given the expense of the “bubble suit,” Spirit Airlines’ ticket prices will remain at pre-pandemic levels. Still, Dykstra stressed that his company will continue to offer “unforgettable experiences and remarkable customer service. In jest, he even added, “Hell, for the price, I will also throw in a Corona beer for each passenger 21 and older!”
Many reporters left the teleconference hysterically laughing, yet feeling concerned.
Author’s Note: This is a work of satire, not fake news. PC: Boston Globe and Pinterest